I am way overdue for a blog post, and I know it. Sorry! I was out of town for about a week for work, and had a post scheduled to appear while I was away, but alas, technology let me down. I swear, Pintje has returned, and I now return to writing as I used to.

I recently joined a competitive skee ball team. Yes, you read that correctly. Intramural softball is sort of the dominant competitive sport in my city, but there are two main reasons I have shunned it and instead gravitated toward skee ball. 1.) My experience on the Jersey Shore has made me a natural, and 2.) Games are held in a bar. What more could you possibly want from a competitive activity? This new found interest of mine has inspired this burning question: which other childhood favorites would work well for drunk adults? Luckily for all, I have compiled a list of the good, the bad, and the ugly.

The Good:

1.) As I said, skeeball is a no-brainer. The game combines virtually equal parts skill and luck, and it can be played in a bar. Accordingly, no matter how bad of a game you might have, you are not more than 10 steps away from someone who will sell you alcohol. Beyond that, it literally has bells and whistles, so the immediate gratification level is high. This is important, since my drunk attention span is notoriously low. If the number of times I said “I’ll be right back!” while in the middle of a beer-pong game was documented, my face would be on the back of a milk carton.

2.) You might not think so, but Jenga is an excellent choice. A favorite local bar of mine features board games on all of the tables, and this is always a big hit. There are few things more amusing than sitting across from the table from your wasted friend, watching him try in vain to pull that tiny piece of wood out of that giant tower without incident. Try as he may, that mess will come tumbling down. It’s science. My good friend Finn suggests a slight twist on the game, which is to write instructions on the pieces that you must read and obey once you pull them (for instance: “finish your beer”). While I applaud her for her ingenuity, asking me to balance something while also reading is really asking far too much.

3.) Connect Four, as long as you accept that after enough drinks, you will be lucky if you manage to connect three.

The Bad:

1.) Hide & Seek. While I cannot speak for every single drinker out there, I can say beyond the shadow of a doubt that I do not have a single friend who could stay hidden for the duration of this game without giggling, knocking something over (and then giggling), or loudly announcing that he or she needs to pee. Although I suppose if the seeker himself was also drunk, this alone might not be enough to make the discover necessary to warrant the end of the game.

2.) Under no possible circumstances should you attempt to play wall ball when inebriated. I cannot make this clear enough. The idea of throwing a ball against a wall in the hopes that it will come back at you is puzzling enough when sober, but it is downright idiotic when drunk. In case I sound bitter, it’s because I was a member of the first P.E. class in my high school for which goggles were no longer mandatory for racquetball (a close cousin of wall ball), just strongly, strongly suggested. Worrying more about how I look in goggles (not good) than my need for protection for my own ineptitude (unusually high), I opted for the no-goggles look. All it took was one hit for the ball to hit me straight in my right eye. My teammates laughed themselves into tears, and I am sure that gym teachers in the years that followed have used my story as a “what not to do” for future gym classes. Or, as I like to think, at a small suburban high school in New Jersey, I am a legend.

Finally, The Ugly

Manhunt was, without a doubt, the “cool kid’s game” in my middle school and even high school. You had to be allowed out after dark by your parents in order to  play, which made it extremely badass. Regardless, it would not make for as fun of a night as you might think. Why? Because the odds of leaving someone behind are far too great. And unlike in Hide&Seek, that person is probably in the dark somewhere, lost, not hidden clumsily behind a rocking chair. A final reason Manhunt won’t work is that everyone’s drunken sense of time is illogical. How many times have you been at a party and stopped to think “is that clock wrong? It says it’s 2:00AM.” No. The clock is not wrong. You are drunk. Similarly, the expectation that whoever is “it” will be able to patiently continue looking for her hidden friends is really far too great. I give it 10 minutes until that chick remembers she is out of beer and asks to be directed toward the cooler (again).

That’s it for today! I am sure I missed loads of games/activities, so please let me know in the Comments section!