May 2010

I was fortunate enough to spend this past weekend with some of my really, really good friends. I talked up Pintje (obviously) and found that some are prolific readers (Thanks, Nutty!), and some are not. All parties involved wanted some type of a shout-out, so to make them happy (and to help my writer’s block), I will share the three songs we listened to this weekend. Three songs. Literally. All weekend. When we can all agree on a song to listen to, it basically gets played on repeat until I have had it with the song and can’t listen to it anymore. You, on the other hand, can opt to display some self-control and enjoy these tunes for weeks or even months to come. Behold:

1.) Stereo Love by Edward Maya (Featuring Vika Jigulina)

One major point of contention between the girls and boys in my little group of friends is over techno. The girls tend to shun it, opting for music with actual melodies, singing, and (shockingly!) instruments. The boys, on the other hand, can’t get enough of it. This song came to us via a friend still living in Spain; apparently it’s currently a big hit in Europe. Something about how catchy the accordion line is helped each one of us find something about this song we liked, so it became a staple of the weekend. Plus, we all get a bit nostalgic for our time abroad, which is, after all, how we met. Hearing the singer say endearingly, in her broken English “don’t let go to my love” made us all soon.

2.) How Do You Sleep by Jesse McCartney (Featuring Ludacris)

I love this song. I should be embarrassed to like it since it’s sung by Jesse McCartney, but luckily Luda pops up to offer it some street cred. Ludacris is by far the most fun rapper to “sing” along with. He basically drops his rhymes mad-libs style, so even if you have never heard the song before, you’re able to chime in at the right time. Example: “And my night’s so ___, day’s so ___, they say you don’t know what you got ’til it’s ___.”

In offering up this video, though, I feel the need to provide a few words of caution. This song is a year or two old, so I think it came out either during or after the “ghost-ride the whip” faze (of which, by the way, I was a HUGE fan myself). What Jesse McCartney is doing is not ghost-riding a whip. I like to think he was in the brainstorming session for this video and suggested he cash in on this phenomenon that’s so hip with kids today. “Yea, you just get out of your car and like hang out on the hood, and a ghost rides the car for you!” he may have suggested. Rather than correcting their tween pop sensation client, I’m sure they just pulled a Tim Gunn and decided they would “make it work.”  How else do you explain Ludacris ghost-riding two cars on leashes?? It is non-nonsensical. To help you all clean your palette, here is how actual ghost-riding works:

3.) I’m On A Boat by Andy Samberg, featuring T-Pain (unedited version, sorry Mom and Dad!)

That this song is actually a comedic sketch from SNL does not dissuade any one of my friends for loving it. It’s as if T-Pain was doing some sort of social experiment to see if literally anything set to a good beat and involving liberal use of “Auto-Tune” would be a major hit. If that was the question, “yes” is the answer. This song was actually on repeat and had played about 5 times in a row Friday night before one of us said “wait did we already listen to this song?” Yes. We did. 4 previous times in a row. That’s how good this song is! Or that’s how drunk my friends were. That’s a question for another day.

Hope you all enjoy the music.


Dear Miley –

It has come to my attention lately that you are trying (desperately, some would say) to transition from a Disney Channel pop tart into a full fledged media magnet pop star. You seem to be using the Britney Spears Method, which of course involves being as completely inappropriate and sexy as you can, in the hopes that you will shake off your younger fans who hang your Hannah Montana posters on their walls and trade them in for 20-somethings who will bump and grind to your hits at da club. Accordingly, I consider Finn and myself to be your new target audience; we listen to pop music in the car and when pregaming for a night on the town (which to Finn and I means pounding beers at our local dive bar while people-watching), and since we actually work for a living, we can theorically afford to buy your songs on ITunes. As a favor to you, Ms. Cyrus, Finn and I have compiled a few things you could do (and STOP doing) in order to make us like you. You’re welcome.

She's just being Miley.

1.) STOP TRYING TO BE BRITNEY. In the name of all things holy, please stop trying to be the “next” Britney. I was a high school cheerleader during Britney’s hayday, so I will forever have a soft spot for her in my heart. That said, she is a what-not-to-do lesson for the ages. Her parents threw her into the entertainment business when she was way t0o young (sound familiar?), she was overly sexualized when she was probably too young to even understand her own sexuality (ahem?), and ultimately found that her supposedly supportive parents were maybe a little too blinded by the limelight for their own good (I’m looking at you, Mr. Achey-Brakey-Mullet). Why you think you should step foot onto this path – which ultimately led to not one but two divorces, several trips to rehab, and being forcefully taken in by the state of California for a mental health analysis – is beyond me. Please find your own way of doing things – hopefully it won’t involve an episode in which you are bald and attacking the papparazzi with an umbrella [pintje].

2.) DOWNLOAD THE BLUEPRINT. You mentioned in an interview that even though one of your bigger hits includes the lyric “and the Jay-Z song was on,” it wasn’t specifically about any Jay-Z song. I’m sorry, what? Virtually any Jay-Z song that comes on the radio ought to make you get down. The problem, the interview goes on to show, is that you can’t even name a Jay-Z song. Sigh. Please download The Blueprint. Listen. Learn it. Love it [finn].

3.) STOP DRESSING LIKE A HOBO. You make more money than Pintje and I combined (even if you also combine it with all of our friends and probably all of the people we’ve ever met. sad.) but consistently leave the house looking like your plan for the day is panhandling at Skid Row. I know you’re rebellious and like totally rock and roll but the fact that you probably paid an inordinate amount of money for this “look” just makes you stupid. Be smarter with your money girl. There is a chance – though you are in denial – that it won’t last forever (see Exhibits A , B, and C). In case you are wondering which outfits I’m talking about, take a gander [finn]:


4.) DO MORE PERFORMANCES LIKE THIS: If you regularly preformed as you did at this year’s VH1 Divas Live event, I would be proud to call myself a fan. Though the whole “Divas Live!” thing is overdone (and sort of silly without Whitney or Cher present, am I right?), you and Sheryl Crow prevailed with a really fun and fresh rendition of “If It Makes You Happy.” You even sang the lyric “It’s OK – I still get stoned / I’m not the kind of girl you take home” and no one so much as lifted an eyebrow. Why? Because unlike every other zany thing you have done since the inception of your  ‘career,’ it wasn’t a calculated move to earn some grown up street cred. It was just a line from a great, great Crow song. And it was well delivered [pintje].

5.) STOP DATING INAPPROPRIATELY. I would love to see you date a nice, age-appropriate boy. Or be single. Basically, I will welcome any change from the path you have set out on. You began by dating a Jonas Brother, which was sort of hilarious due to their purity rings and your penchant for knee high leather boots, and then moved onto an adult underwear model. In case you are wondering why you should move on from such lovable losers, please see Point One [pintje].

6.) DO KEEP MAKING  GOOD FUN MUSIC. Take away the pole-dancing on ice cream trucks and shorts so short they should be illegal, and your listeners will be forced to realize that you produce some catchy songs. To anyone who disagrees, you ought to challenge them to watch this video without smiling, and without humming the tune for the next day or two. Impossible. It’s a great song, and you’ve got some pipes on you! Everybody loves a good, harmless pop song. Ms. Cyrus, if you play your cards right, those songs just might come from you [pintje].

We will anxiously wait and see if you heed our unsolicited career advice. No, I’m kidding, you will definitely break these rules, and we will definitely continue to tease. It’s what we do!!


Pintje and Finn